• At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
• Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
• It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts–your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
• Radiation cause interesting mutations–not to your future children, but to you, right then and there.
• If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
• Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
• Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
• It’s easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
• The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
• You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
• A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
• If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
• Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
• Any person waking from a nightmare will bolt upright and pant.
• All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
• A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
• If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
• Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
• When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
• An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

In other words, don’t believe anything you see in a movie. Just enjoy the show. After all, it is just entertainment.

Well, I was visiting a friend of mine the other day and needless to say he has a TV (statistically, any person on this planet is most likely to have one than not.) A number of my friends got together at his place to plan on the celebrations of another friend’s birthday. So, after spending a couple of hours doing everything but plan for the birthday party (mostly we were talking about women trying to figure out which celebrity has the best pair of jugs,) including consuming a considerable amount of poorly brewed beer. As I stood up to make one of many trips to the bathroom, I tripped and I smashed my leg on the tv stand. Boy, did that hurt! I’m limping from that hit two days later. I have to admit that if TV wanted to take revenge upon me for not having one while encouraging everyone I know to get rid of theirs, it certainly succeeded.

On that note, get rid of your TV now!

Teatime love bite

A woman almost bit off her husband’s willy as he cooked pancakes for tea-while she gave him oral sex.

In the heat of passion he lost his grip on the pan and spilt boiling oil down her naked back.

She clenched her teeth on his willy and in agony he bashed her on the head with the pan.

Both only admitted how they received their injuries after “intense questioning” by hospital docs in Carioca, Romania.

The man needed treatment to his willy while the wife had burns, two black eyes and a broken cheek bone.